I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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