I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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