Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
