ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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