The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize