mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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