I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
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You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
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all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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