Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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