No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
