Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
