I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
