I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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