Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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