last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
