do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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