booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
