Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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