He asked to "fluff my boner.."
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
