you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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