Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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