why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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