TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
