Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
