i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
