She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
