he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
