Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
