So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
