i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
