Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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