You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
