Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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