Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
