i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
