I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
