wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
