I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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