i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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