Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
