you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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