I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
