it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
