i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
