No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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