Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
