Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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