Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
