I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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