I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
