the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
