You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Houston, we have a squirter
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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