Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
