Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize