look no pants
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
