mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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