When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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