Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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