Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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