I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
