Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize