Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
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he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
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I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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