Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
worst night to have a conscience
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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