Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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