Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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