The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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