Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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