you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
