9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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