i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
