Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
