Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
