what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
