you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
